I have a smorgasbord of intellectual treats for you this time. Sit back and enjoy! Served fresh!
Hors d'oeuvre: my quest for a fish-flavored soda continues, but I have conquered the world of egg-flavored beverages. Found one at the local international grocery store. But, truth be told, it tasted more like milk saturated with the coating from a sugary breakfast cereal. If eggs actually tasted like that, kids wouldn't need Frosted Flakes or Coco Puffs.
Entree: our building (15705) has four floors, each with four apartments. Only recently, when the management installed new, improved (more visible) apartment numbers on all the doors, did I discover that several apartments seem to be missing. Our floor, for example, has only these apartments: 403, 404, 407, and 408. Where are 401, 402, 405, and 406? Have to add this to the list of quests.
Main course: You may have heard me talk about things I wish I could have mounted on my car -- a ram plate/cowcatcher, large caliber machine gun, massive flood/spot lights, et cetera -- but now I'd like to discuss things I'd love to have IN the car.
- a pen, and stationery printed with "from my dashboard to your windshield" so I can always write a note for morons who can't park straight.
- a bag of dusty dirt (as opposed to sand, or mud, or other non-dusty dirt). Sometimes you just want to leave someone in the dust, but there's no dust around. Voila! Instant dust.
- some kind of system that could display words or pre-programmed phrases on a banner/sign (LED? LCD?) just by hitting a button ("Nice Signal, Asshole!") -- or maybe even by typing in spontaneous customized messages.
Some vehicles have brake lights that look like they're made up of a hundred tiny individual lights. Maybe it could be integrated into that so when you brake it says "fuck off" or something.
Dessert cart (funny things at work): Not long ago, a middle-aged Asian man came into our store, looked around for a short time, and, deep into the store near the food section, approached me and asked if we carried car batteries. I’m not sure what kind of store he thought it was, but I politely told him that we did not and suggested that he check with the Pep Boys car care shop two stores away.
Also, I’ve had several customers approach me with various items and ask how much they cost. In all cases, I have flipped the item over, found the price tag, and read it to them. Don’t you normally check all sides of an item when searching for the price tag? Seems pretty basic to me, but apparently a lot of people around here can’t be bothered with such a demeaning task.
After dinner mint: What’s with the position hierarchy in some government organizations? I mean, you can end up with some wacky subordinate classifications (with only slight exaggeration): “I’m the Vice Adjunct Associate Sub-Auxiliary Deputy Assistant Under Secretary for the Department of Minions.” Can’t they just come up with a new name for the position instead of using all those modifiers? Or at least work the modifiers in the “above” direction as well as the “below?” “I’m the Big Supreme Principal Head Grand Master Chief of the Department of Paper Pushing.”
Also, anyone reading this who is familiar with the “Yorkie” candy bar (a Nestle UK product): PLEASE tell me what’s up with the “It’s NOT for Girls” slogan. I don’t get it.
7 comments:
Now I want a bag of dust too.
who's gigi edgley? =)
To Anonymous:
1) Please at least sign your name if you don't want to register with Blogger :-) and
2) Gigi Edgley is an Australian-born actress who was on the excellent Sci Fi Channel series Farscape.
i am a coward and refuse to reveal my identity. however, i am 26, male, irish, live in the midwest and dabble in the fine arts. i also like to crochet.
You do realize that car item #3 already exists, right? And, no, you may not purchase one. If you should receive one as a gift, it is not going in the car.
- Your Wife
The "It's NOT for girls" slogan is exactly what it appears to be. Nestle's ad agency thinking was that chocolate is seen as feminine. So they're trying to market an aggressively "masculine" chocolate. Other slogans include "Don't feed the birds" and "King size, not queen size". Excuse me while I go into a fit of eye-rolling.
Late to the game here, but I gotta say, I did feel slightly... naughty? wrong? like I was cheating? when I bought one the other day for myself. Guess I'm just too much of a rules follower.
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