Would you like flies with that?

I think my contempt for Korean distortion of western foods has reached a new level. I had a dream last night in which I ordered a pizza from a Korean place. What eventually was delivered was not the standard Korean pizza with corn and potatoes as toppings (and a side of sweet pickles), but rather a pair of baked shoes with a side of kimchi. Yes, shoes. White athletic shoes. With no toppings, cheese, or sauce. Somehow, they weren't as tough as I thought they'd be, and actually tasted a little better than Korean pizza.

What I really want to know is who introduced sweet pickles to the Koreans, and why sweet pickles are the only type of pickle Koreans know. Sweet pickles are disgusting! Dill pickles are completely unknown, and impossible to find, except on base.

The Korean take on sandwiches is also pretty nasty. Other than the "Eat Delicious Sand" slogan I mentioned a while back, they've really got a strange concept of what is good in a sand(wich). Often times the ingredients are combined in hideous ways (to my taste buds, anyway). And, guess what? Frequently there's sweet relish! Yecch!

Did I ever tell you guys about one of our first "nice" dinners in Seoul? We went to Seoul Tower for a nice dinner in the rotating restaurant high above the lights of the city. We chose the lobster, figuring it'd be fun to splurge a little. The menu promised a half a lobster each. Little did we know that we would each get a different half of the same lobster, split right down the middle from head to tail. And the drawn butter? None. Instead, each lobster was covered with cheese (!) and olives. Cheese! My mind still reels when I recall that evening.

The thing that I really find bizarre is that Koreans will inform me that we're having "American style" [something], and then when it comes time to eat, I'm horrified to learn that the item in front of me is the supposed American-style food. I have had to tell them on more than one occasion that it is most definitely NOT American style. Other than finding the sweet pickle person, I also want to know who told them it was American style.

Ah, well. I guess it'd be like me cooking spam and adding red pepper paste (this is all hypothetical!) and calling it "Korean style." Except mine would have dill pickles on the side.

Thankfully, Koreans prefer traditional Korean food, so my experiences with "Korean-style American-style" food are limited. I just feel sorry for all the Koreans who think that junk is true American style food.