52 Reasons I Won't Miss Beijing

As of today we have just over four months left in Beijing. I have decided (about two years ago, actually) that four years is just too long a time to live somewhere you don't like. At my age, four years is 1/9th of my entire life. Wasted, in a place I detest.

And so, I give you "52 Reasons I Won't Miss Beijing." Originally, this was "100 Reasons" but many were redundant so I consolidated down to 52. A nice round 50 would have been more to my liking, but I think these are all distinct enough to warrant keeping.

Before reading on, bear in mind this applies to Beijing. Despite my rancor toward this city, I am still an optimistic person and would consider living in other Chinese cities, such as Shanghai, Hong Kong, or Taipei.

52 Reasons I Won't Miss Beijing

(yes, some of these could apply to many places, and some places I'm sure are worse – but Beijing is where these really hit home for me. All of these are based on actual experiences.)

Discrimination

1) The belief that since we are foreigners we must have lots of money.

2) The belief that since we must have lots of money, we shouldn't mind spending more than the next person.

3) Being charged what I call the foreigner "anti-discount" (25%-100% more than what the Chinese customer on either side is charged for the exact same item).

4) Being refused taxi service.

5) Hacked / illegally modified taxi meters.

6) Taxi drivers illegally taking on additional (Chinese) passengers who then ride free on our fare.

7) Being told an exorbitant flat fee for what is supposed to be metered taxi service.

Social Graces

8) Hawking and spitting anywhere and everywhere -- by men and women.

9) Smoking regardless of designated smoking sections (or no smoking allowed).

10) Being seated in the smoking section immediately after requesting non-smoking.

11) The "amoeba effect" any place people must funnel through. Also applies to vehicles at toll booths on expressways.

12) No comprehension of the "wait your turn" concept (at service counters, etc.). If they can jump in front, they will. This applies on the road as well, and in all cases (vehicular or otherwise) the offender is rewarded by getting ahead and never penalized, which only reinforces the behavior.

13) Feigning misunderstanding or refusing to communicate upon realizing they are dealing with a foreigner, even when that foreigner is speaking passable Chinese.

Traffic

14) Inexplicable subconscious (or maybe conscious) desire to "play chicken." Whether on foot, on a bike, or even in a car, everyone seems to try to come as close as possible to a head-on collision as they can.

15) The similar need to cut in front, especially when turning left -- to the point that left turners will drift across the oncoming traffic lanes to ensure they can turn in front of those coming straight toward them.

16) All Chinese people have the uncanny ability to block / take up more space than they humanly should, seemingly subconsciously drifting/meandering exactly in your way, no matter how you maneuver. This ability increases by an order of magnitude for each additional person in the group.

17) Pedestrians having to yield to vehicles (written law is the opposite, but in practice more wheels = more "get the hell out of my way").

18) Crossing guards whose job is to prevent the pedestrians from getting in the way of the cars, rather than to prevent the cars from hitting the pedestrians.

19) Being unable to use a bicycle for recreation – they are disallowed in parks and similar areas where you'd actually want to ride.

Daily Hassle

20) Lower quality yet higher prices on items similar to what you'd find in the U.S.

21) Inconsistent supply of many products (here one day, gone the next two months).

22) Layer upon layer of bureaucracy. One experience: identify intended purchase in one place, pay in another place, receive receipt in another place, return with receipt to claim purchased item, stop for verification of receipt and item at another place, and finally collect tax refund invoice at yet another place.

23) Doors that open inward into public buildings. Excellent for emergency situations.

24) Doors and windows propped open while air conditioning or heating runs, simply to get some "fresh" outside air (dubious even on clear-looking days).

Low Standards

25) Shoddy craftsmanship (buildings, products, etc.)

26) Unawareness that things can – and should – be constructed better. Or worse, knowing they should be better but still accepting poor quality.

27) Lack of attention to detail (a.k.a. the horseshoe rule, or "it's close enough" – even when it's clearly not: huge gaps, not level, falling apart, etc.).

28) Denial of obvious problems, even when proof is presented to the face.

29) "Band-aid" fixes that don't address the source of the problem, but just cover up the symptoms.

Lack of Enforcement or Consequences

30) The "if you can get away with it, do it" mentality.

31) Avoidance of confrontation. Why would restaurant management bother the customer who is smoking in the non-smoking section? It might make that customer not want to come back (even though the customer making the complaint, who is in the right, might not come back).

32) Lack of mobile, patrolling traffic police.

33) Failure to enforce almost everything. Inappropriate smoking or parking, moving violations – unless it's caught on camera it didn't happen, and the "consequence" for those few who get caught is usually a tiny fine that's seen more as an easily-afforded cost of the action than a deterrent penalty.

34) The fact that one illegal act (such as covering or removing your vehicle license plates) allows one to get away with countless other illegal acts. If the cameras can't identify your vehicle, you don't get caught.

"Thought" and Design Processes

35) Inability to cope with irregular patterns; e.g., rearranging items that aren't in perfectly straight/perpendicular rows. Even regular diagonals are reset.

36) The possibly related inability to remember where items are regularly kept (and thus making up new places to put them after they're moved).

37) Workers who show up to solve a problem – with no tools.

38) Imbedding (poor quality) air conditioning units into the ceiling without maintenance access panels/hatches.

39) Designing living quarters with little or no closet/storage space – and what closet space exists is almost entirely shelves or drawers, with almost no space to hang clothing.

40) Apartments in a multi-story building whose heating/cooling are all controlled by one central switch -- at the management office.

41) The conclusion that if something is not being used, the owner must not need it or want it or perhaps even miss it if it disappears. This applies mostly to housekeepers, but also to groundskeepers and similar workers, for items as diverse as mesh laundry bags, satellite dishes, and plastic shopping bags protecting bicycle seats.

42) Lack of an exploratory or experimental nature. They never try to "figure it out." And even when shown/told, the inability to remember -- despite their primary learning method (for language and more) being rote memorization.

Environment

43) Horrible air quality. 60% of days in Beijing have equal or worse air than the two most polluted cities in the U.S. have on their worst days – only 10% of the time.

44) Filth. Dirt, trash, sewers, rubble, and debris everywhere.

Food

45) Hacking up a chicken and cooking it, bones and head and feet and all.

46) Using the same (unpleasant) spice to season almost every beef dish.

Corrupt Embassy Personnel

47) Management that is willing to let abuse of power slide, yet punish those who report it.

48) Individuals and sections who take credit for another section's (or individual's) work.

49) Corrupt housing board whose actions still frustrate and infuriate.

Unwelcoming American "Community"

50) A sponsor who was absent (out at meetings) when he was supposed to help us check in at the embassy.

51) Co-workers who modify their leave plans before asking, forcing us to change our own plans.

52) An embassy environment more oppressive than the host country/government.