Ayi Masterstroke, the Third (and then some)

It's been over a year since the last post of this sort, and it's long overdue.

As you may or may not know, we are on our 6th and 7th housekeepers (ayis) currently. #6 has been with us since September, and in the four months that she has been with us I think she has damaged or destroyed more things around the house than had been damaged in the preceding twelve years that D-What and I have been together -- including moves to and from Korea, moves within the U.S., a move to Beijing and one within the city of Beijing.

An incomplete list of things partially damaged or utterly destroyed through her incompetence:

• 1 ceramic toothbrush holder
• 1 wine glass
• 1 champagne flute
• 1 vase
• at least 3 water glasses
• several sponges (normally one of these would last at least a few weeks; she went through 3 in one week at her peak by slicing them up while cleaning knives)
• her hand, twice, because D-What's German knives are "too fast" (ayi's words)
• a bottle of Corona beer (which she wasn't even going to mop up until instructed to do so, and even still didn't move the shelving under which some of the beer spilled)
• a plastic measuring cup and plastic covers for kids food bowls (all melted in either the dishwasher or microwave)
• the plastic steamer insert for our rice cooker (melted by using it for a steamer tray upside down in a pot on the stove)

She has also allowed the boys to rip several pages out of one book and do some serious damage to a pop-up type book after being instructed to be very careful and not let the boys touch it.

Housekeeper #7 joined the team in November, and the incredible powers of #6 and #7 combined into something even more incompetent than one ayi alone.

Together, they have managed to:

• Spontaneously decide to erase a long "to do" list on the white board in our den, after having left it alone for weeks
• Unplug appliances/equipment that they really have no business unplugging
• Prove incapable of opening a powder laundry detergent box properly with the "open here" tab, but instead use some sort of sharp object to cut a new "access hatch" through the cardboard
• Throw out a cling wrap box, only to use the refill roll on its own
• Attempt to feed the boys lunch at 10:15 in the morning on a day the boys were tired and needed to go back to 2 naps, because the ayis forgot how the well-established 2-nap schedule worked even though the "new" 1-nap schedule had only been going for 3 weeks
• Require weekly reminders NOT to put washed clothes away because they continue to do it (and do it wrong) every week

I'm sure if I sat here a while longer I'd recall plenty more genius schemes concocted by the two of them, but we'll leave it at this for now.