The Pit and the Pending Slum

(alternate title: DePit and Dependent Bum)

Great Googli Moogli*, what have I become?

With our housekeeper on winter vacation since the middle of December, I've only now realized how complacent I've become. I'm frickin' gentry, feeling like I'm wallowing in filth because someone else hasn't dusted or vacuumed for me for a few weeks. I don't know how I'll do it -- how I'll make the transition back to the life to which I was accustomed before. Surely, I want to be back with friends; back where the language is my own; back where getting a propane gas tank filled or finding a parking ramp entrance is not an exercise in physics, linguistics, and/or "extreme" driving.

But the filth! How will I deal with having to vacuum my own floors, dust my own furniture, and wash my own clothes? How will I deal with not having my spare change sorted and stacked on my dresser? Sure, I'll be able to find things** because they'll be where I last put them or where we'd normally keep them, but how can that make up for not having my jeans pre-zipped or shoes pre-tied***?

It's almost like living in a hotel: new towels and sheets just magically appear while you're out. Without the housekeeper, various items might not randomly disappear (I think Tahra favors the spontaneous vaporization theory, while I'm currently exploring the government agent mind games theory), but with her around, our clothes -- including those not needing it -- will be pressed, sometimes along "creative" new crease lines.

Maybe I'll just have to be one of those people -- what are they called? -- who basically live in a hotel suite semi-permanently. Oh yeah, they're called rich bastards! Agh. I'm doomed. Unless anyone wants an extra $50 a week?

* See the XXXenophile trading card game for this alternate spelling.
** After blaming the cat or Tahra first, of course.
*** Almost nothing is more annoying than having to unzip your pants or untie your shoes before putting them on. Try it, you'll see.